Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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