oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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