no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
