I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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