apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
