i think my tv is drunk
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize