i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
