theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
