I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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