Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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