In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I want to fling myself into the sun
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
