go do what you do best...puke behind churches
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
