Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
