i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize