Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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