I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
