I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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