i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
