I wanna bring you to show and tell
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize