I think i peed on brittanys purse
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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