did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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