a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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