i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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