dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
