what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i came on her dog
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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