She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
