I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
