Someone shit on the floor
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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