I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
