the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
