And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
