It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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