And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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