You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
where does the pee come out of this thing
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize