I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
organizing the empties. That sober.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
