we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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