just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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