thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
