Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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