Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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