you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
