I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
A+ Viking dick
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
