you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My life is pants optional.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
