so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
