I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
