I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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