Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
