What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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