Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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