fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
