I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
