Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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