I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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