Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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