she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
