and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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