i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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