She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
