omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
