OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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