I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
