dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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