haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
