I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
