I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
