Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
