It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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