Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
