I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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