am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
