I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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