Ambien. No doubt about it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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