i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
