I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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