There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
