I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
