I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
