we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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