The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
