Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
